I PURSUED NOTHING BECAUSE OF SELFISHNESS.

A conversation between my old age and youth. This conversation is going to be in a series on different aspect and challenges of my youth where I receive counsel and reprove from my old age out of regret.
Characters Togbe being my old age and Kwame being me in my youthful days.

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Conversation

Togbe: You don’t use the sword on babies. Do you!

«Those were his first words after I greeted him like a boy, to me that’s normal of him. I bet he’s always preaching parables but still old. I wonder why that wisdom can’t make him younger again, never mind it does not happen. No! Wait could these wisdom and parables be his regrets or thoughtfulness of his youth. Today I will dine with him on this matter»

Kwame: Togbe Togbe! (I called him, rushing to meet him at his door) please, today I want to have an exciting time with you.

Togbe: Excitement delights the body, not the soul. The soul and spirit are strong and they delight in strong things,

Kwame: (he replied with another mischief.🤦 Ptch!) Togbe please let’s talk, I need us to seriously talk. Do you have any regrets from your youthful days?
«(He sighs and breathes out deeply.
He loves to talk looking away …He can be a serious poet)»

….(I offered him his favourite stool to sit and I sat next to him in front of his apartment)

Togbe: Kwame I certainly have regrets. (There is silence for almost a minute. It didn’t look as if he will say anything again).

Kwame: Is that all you will say!, Togbe please say more. I want to listen, my ears are itching.

Togbe: Kwame, I have regrets. (silence again)

«There he goes again. Old people are so carnal, dry, no remorse.»

Togbe: I have regrets now because I had no regrets when i was young and hopeful. My greatest hope was that, there is tomorrow and man is fragile, things will work out. I perceived perfection in myself because I knew and understood better than my parents. My pride was “I’m young and most admired”. I don’t know why the world didn’t preach only LOVE but battled our mind with contradictory forces of science, friction, unbelief, religion, hate, confusion, facts, and the torture of pride and self-righteousness.
LOVE is boundless and truth.
Maybe I listened wrongly or perceived differently, probably joined forces with the confused elite for glamour and chased prosperity and beauty, that’s where my corruption started; selfishness.

Kwame: (Hell no! I retorted to myself in my mind).The elite are not confused. Togbe!, it’s the poor that confuse themselves with ignorance.

Togbe: Kwame! (he looked into my eyes) Corruption doesn’t tempt the poor, he’ll be clueless. It tempts men of riches and in authority, they can handle it. Corruption is confusion. Selfishness begot corruption.

Kwame: (I laughed to myself again what is this man saying at all).Old age is a worrying stage of sorrow!

Togbe: You can’t judge a man by his actions, check his intention.

Kwame: Togbe, but it will be his or her intention before the acts or actions.

Togbe: No the actions can be a mistake but intentions are what you should validate.

Kwame: Okay sir please can you continue with your regrets? I have a meeting to catch up with.

Togbe: (He looked at me from the corner of his eyes and burst out) Nonsense! do you want to listen to me or go to your meeting? He chuckled. mtchew!

Kwame: I’m sorry sir, I said apologetically.

Togbe: That’s the problem with you the youths; you think everything has to be “sharp sharp”, you’ll grow as well. My strength is fragile that’s why I should have loved more and stayed humble, but I boast in my fragile strength and blinded myself in pride and selfishness. I could barely tolerate reprove, counsel and insults. Don’t blame me; unknowingly a judged man is a just man. Reprove perfect your mind because your actions are cultivated with discipline from reproves. My pride entangled me in the selfishness of self-righteousness.
My solo theme is “Please accept me and my foolishness or ignore me.” I’m the only human being everybody should love and not judge. Now, I don’t want to get young again because of pride. Today I can’t count my likes on social media, I can’t fancy my ghost friends on social media anymore. I now understand the sham love I celebrated from friends because of their personal interest. Some of the love I received was flattery hoax to abuse my weakness. Unknowingly my selfishness made me delight in them because I felt loved but they were countless and shades of happiness which never lasted. I hate that my life was bent on the discretion of people and because I selfishly wanted to please them. I felt appreciated and fell prey to their logical lies and my happiness never lasted. Yes, Kwame genuineness can make you accepted even in a lion’s den. The humility of walking into the lion’s den when you need to avoid the delight in selfishness and please yourself and men is the same humility I need now to accept death as a victory in my old age. Listen, my son, I want death badly but I fear its warmth because I’ve been selfish. Selfish for the purpose, selfish for fame, selfish of my weakness, selfish of riches, selfish of authority and selfish of love and selfish for perfection. LOVE is boundless thus truth and moreover selfless.
Selfishness made me approve facts over truth, knowledge over understanding, folly over wisdom. I stand here with you today with nothing but emptiness over many things I didn’t understand but delighted in them because of selfishness. Take a drink of this vodka it will give you a reason to be proud and selfish, go for your meeting!

Kwame: Togbe I’m confused. All you shared is like using a sword on a baby…
(With his eyes closed he selfishly didn’t mind me. Hmmm!)

I walked away and he shouted from behind find comfort in God and a sound mind. Purpose begets happiness and perfection.

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